Maybe It's Time
by fbi-woman
Summary: She thinks maybe it's time they seriously consider how practical a future together might be. Canon to the end of season 1, then AU. Abby/Buck. WIP.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Maybe It's Time

Author: fbi_woman

Rating: M

Type: 9-1-1, Abby/Buck

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Not affiliated with 9-1-1 or Fox, and make no such claim. All work is independently written and not for profit.

Summary: She thinks maybe it's time they seriously consider how practical a future together might be. Canon to the end of season 1, then AU. Abby/Buck

A/N: This idea has been on my list since before season 1 ended, and I had the document open and about to get to work on this one when we got the confirmation that Connie wasn't coming back. So I stashed this away for a while, until I felt ready to face it again. I've accepted that our ship is over, I've grudgingly made peace with that, but I'm still a little attached to the idea of what might have been. That means this is based on season 1 and season 1 alone – there is no reference to season 2 characters or anything we've learned so far in season two. For the purposes of this fic, she went to Ireland for like 2 months(ish) and came back as planned. This will be multi-chap but it won't be a long epic by any means. I'm estimating 6 chapters, depending on how long I make them. Updates will likely be slow, so please be patient. Title is borrowed from the song by Bradley Cooper for the movie A Star Is Born.

* * *

Buck glanced over at Abby for what seemed like the hundredth time since they left the restaurant. She was still looking out the window, as she had been for the entire ride, unconsciously toying with the pendant on the necklace he had given her, so she didn't see him looking. Something was bothering her but he didn't know what it was, and she kept smiling and assuring him that everything was fine. But she had been quiet all night – distant, almost – and he was starting to second-guess everything he had planned. When he asked, she said that she didn't want a party or anything for her birthday, so they had agreed they would just go out for dinner. But then Chim had insisted that when women say they don't want a big fuss, they really _do_ want it, so he had added a small surprise party to the plan. And now he wasn't so sure he had done the right thing. She didn't really seem to be in a party mood. Or maybe she was disappointed, thinking he hadn't thrown her a party? Despite his considerable experience with women, he wasn't very good at reading them. He saw the sign for the exit he needed to take, so it was now or never.

"Oh shit, I left my gym bag in my locker. I was going to work out before my shift tomorrow. Do you mind if we stop by the station to grab it?"

"No, it's fine."

"Great, thanks."

He made the short detour to the station and pulled into the parking lot, mentally preparing for the next part of his plan. It had to seem casual, or she would catch on.

"Want to come in with me, say hi to everyone?"

She shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

His team wasn't actually working right now; he told her he had traded shifts with someone so he could be done earlier, but that wasn't true. They were, however, at the station. He had texted Hen when they left the restaurant to make sure everyone would be ready. In addition to his colleagues, he had also invited Carla, Abby's brother, and a couple of her friends from work. He was still worried that she might be upset he didn't listen to her about having a party, but it was too late to back out now. Taking her hand, he led her away from the car and through the door.

"SURPRISE!"

Much to his relief, her eyes were sparkling with amusement when she turned to him with a stunned smile. He had kept the guest list small, just a few of her work friends, his team, and Carla. Her brother wasn't able to make it, but luckily she already had plans to see him on the weekend. He hung back as she worked the room, watching as she chatted and laughed with everyone. She seemed happier and more engaged now, so maybe Chim had been right after all; maybe she _had_ secretly wanted him to plan something special. He hoped it was that simple.

Later, as he walked towards the car carrying the leftover cake, he decided to test the waters a little.

"Did you have a good time?" he asked, looking over at her.

"Yeah, it was great."

"I know you said you didn't want a party or anything…"

"I didn't think I did, but it was fun. I'm glad you did it."

He let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and she chuckled softly.

"You were worried I'd be mad, huh?"

"Maybe just a little," he admitted sheepishly.

"You did good."

Though she had been rather jovial when they left the station, he noted that by the time they got home, she had grown quiet again. That officially ruled out the disappointment theory. It was her first birthday without her mom, so maybe that was it? She didn't seem sad though, she seemed pensive: worried, almost.

He caught her hand just outside the bedroom door and turned her to look at him. "Everything okay?"

She smiled. "Everything's great."

She kissed him then, long and slow, letting her lips linger for a moment before she pulled back. Grabbing his tie, she backed slowly into the room, tugging him along with her. Though she was usually a little demure in public, he knew first hand that in the bedroom, she was anything but. And he loved it. Not only was she sexy and fun, but he also liked knowing there was this whole other side to her that no one else got to see. This Abby was for his eyes only.

Her fingers went to work on his tie and button-down shirt while he let his trail over the bare skin her backless dress left exposed. As his shirt hit the floor, his lips shifted to her neck, placing open-mouthed kisses along the side and sucking gently on her pulse point. Her hands faltered on his belt buckle and she let out a soft moan when he nipped at her ear. Grasping the side zipper on her dress, he slowly dragged it down, chuckling quietly when she pressed her body against his, urging him to hurry up. He swept the soft fabric over her shoulders to pool at her feet, leaving her in nothing but pale pink silk panties. Leaning into her, he steered her further into the room, until she was pinned between him and the dresser. He lifted her easily, setting her on top of it, and stepped between her legs. She wrapped hers around his hips, pulling him in as close as possible, and began to grind herself against his bulging erection. Sneaking his hands between them, he massaged her breasts, flicking his thumbs over her taut nipples until she started to pant. He took a step back and eagerly shoved his pants and boxers down, craving the intense satisfaction of being tightly enveloped in her heat. She raised herself off the dresser enough for him to whip off her panties, and then he made a quick dash to the nightstand for a condom. He let her roll it on, groaning at her touch, and then she guided him inside her.

She wrapped her arms around his him and her lips found his as their bodies started to rock against one another. His hands travelled to her ass and he pulled her right to the edge of the dresser, thrusting as deeply as he could. Her head tipped back with a guttural moan, and he felt the bite of her nails digging into his back. He continued the small, undulating movements for as long as he could stand it, feeding off of her contented whimpers, before finally encouraging her to lean back on her arms. She exhaled sharply at the change of angle and he switched to longer, more forceful thrusts. He felt her legs start to tense around him, signalling she was as close as he was, so he ramped up the speed. He couldn't take his eyes off of her: her head thrown back, a fine sheen of sweat on her pale skin, her full breasts bouncing in time with his thrusts. She was breathtaking.

"Touch me," she pleaded, desperate for release.

He dropped one hand between them, gliding his thumb firmly over her throbbing clit, and she shattered only moments later. He plunged in and out of her a few more times before burying himself deep inside her and allowing the powerful sensation of her walls pulsating around him to bring him over the edge. He pulled her up into a sitting position, cradling her against his chest while they caught their breath.

After a few minutes, he reluctantly left to get cleaned up, and she was already tucked under the covers when he returned. He settled into bed behind her, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her back against him. Closing his eyes, he tried to fall asleep, but he couldn't. Her body was still tense beside him, and he could practically feel her mind working overtime. Brushing her hair aside, he dropped a kiss on her shoulder.

"You sure you're not mad about the party?"

She rolled over and smiled at him, brushing her thumb over his cheek as she leaned in to kiss him softly. "Yes. It was great, thank you."

"Then what's bothering you?"

She sighed. "Can we talk about it tomorrow?"

"Are you going to lie there and think about it all night?"

"I don't want to ruin tonight."

"Okay, now you're scaring me."

"It's nothing bad."

"Then why would it ruin anything?"

She turned onto her back, effectively breaking eye contact. "Maybe it wouldn't, I don't know. I just don't want to start a fight."

His heart was starting to race. What the hell was she not telling him? "Abby, just talk to me. I promise I won't get mad."

She looked down, and he watched apprehensively as she nervously twisted the top sheet around her fingers.

Just when he was about to give up, she suddenly spoke: "Do you want kids?"

He blinked. "What?"

"Do you want to have kids some day?"

That was one of the last things he was expecting her to say. "Uhh… I don't know. I guess I haven't really thought about it. Why?"

"Because that's exactly what I was worried about."

"What is?"

"That you haven't thought about it yet."

He was lost. "I don't get it."

"I'm 43, Buck. What if, 10 years from now, you decide you want to have kids? I won't be able to give you that."

"Abby, all I know is I want to be with you. That's enough for me."

"I know you feel that way _now_ , but you have another 40 years or so to have children if you really want to. I probably only have a couple years left where it's even _possible_ , let alone likely."

"Do _you_ want kids?"

She bit her lip. "That's hard for me to answer."

"Why?"

"It's just… I mean, when I was younger, I always assumed I would be a mom someday. But as time went on, I started to think maybe it wouldn't happen for me. When Tommy left, I figured I'd blown all my chances, and eventually I just sort of… made peace with it. Accepted it. But it was a hard pill to swallow for a while, and I guess I don't want to open that door again unless I know I'm going through it… if that makes any sense."

It did, he thought. It _was_ something she had wanted, but she had given up that dream and grieved that loss. She was afraid of the pain she could suffer if she let herself have hope again. And that scared him, because the last thing he ever wanted to do was create more hurt for her.

His thoughtful silence seemed to unnerve her, and she started talking faster. "I'm not saying you have to decide right now, or that I'm giving you a deadline, or anything like that. I'm just saying it would be a good idea for you to start thinking about it. When we started this, I had no idea if it would actually go anywhere, but it has. And if not being able to have kids down the line is going to be a deal breaker for you, then I think it's better if we figure that out sooner rather than later. You know, before we get too much deeper into this."

He was still trying to absorb everything she had just said, but she looked so anxious that he somehow found himself saying: "You're right."

Relief washed over her face and she gave him a small smile. "Thank you for not freaking out. I know it was kind of a lot to throw at you right before bed."

"It's okay, I'm glad you finally told me what was on your mind. I promise I'll think about it." That much was true. In fact, there was pretty much zero chance he would think about anything else.

"Thanks. And thank you for tonight, and the necklace."

"You're welcome."

She turned towards him and snuggled up to him, and he felt her body relax and her breathing steady in minutes. He, on the other hand, was wide awake, and he doubted that would change any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Sorry this took so long to get out. This is the last fully written chapter I have done so far so I didn't want to rush through posting the first bits and then not update for ages lol. Updates will likely be slow like this; motivation is fleeting these days.

* * *

After a brief, fitful sleep, Buck decided he might as well go to the gym before his shift like he had said. Maybe a good workout would help clear his mind. He got dressed and threw a change of clothes in his gym bag, figuring he would just shower at the gym and go straight to work. Before he left though, he couldn't resist sitting on the edge of the bed and watching Abby sleep peacefully for a minute. He was still unsettled by their talk last night. He loved her, he knew that, and he really didn't want to imagine his life without her, but that was essentially what she was asking him to do: take her out of the equation and figure out what he wanted independent of her. And while he understood where she was coming from, he wasn't a fan of the idea. Every time he looked at her, he was awestruck that a woman so amazing actually wanted to be with him. She was more than he had ever hoped for. But he had made her a promise, and he would try his best to keep it. He bent over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before reluctantly heading out.

As it turned out, the workout did not bring him clarity or take his mind off of Abby. He knew she hadn't meant for him to think obsessively about his future but he couldn't help it. In hindsight, he supposed her concern really wasn't out of left field; it had just felt like it was, because it had simply never occurred to him before. And he was starting to get a little annoyed at himself for that. She had hit the nail on the head: he had just been going with the flow, feeling like there was all the time in the world, because for him, there was. It was _her_ that he hadn't considered, and that was a disappointing realization. In his mind, that was his lack of maturity showing through, in spite of his best efforts to get with the program. She hadn't said so, but he felt like he had let her down by being so unprepared to discuss their future.

Similar thoughts plagued him all day, to the point where he was having trouble concentrating when they weren't out on a call. After catching him zoning out for the third time, Bobby called him over to sit at the table.

"You want to tell me what's been on your mind all day?"

Buck hesitated. Family was a bit of a sensitive subject, and he wasn't sure if he should bring it up. But on the other hand, he could really use some advice.

With a deep breath, he bit the bullet. "Did you always know you wanted to have kids?"

Bobby looked momentarily surprised, but took it in stride. "Pretty much, yeah. I wasn't always sure it would happen for me, but that was always the goal. Why, are you and Abby thinking about having a baby?"

"No… sort of… I don't know." He sighed. "I guess with her birthday and everything, she's just wondering if we'll really work out. She's worried I'll decide I want a family, and it'll be too late for us, so she wants me to start thinking about it."

"She has a point. If you want a biological child together, you don't have a lot of time left. You could always adopt though if you decide later on that you want to be parents."

"That's true. Would you have adopted if you couldn't have your own?"

"Yeah, I think we probably would have. To be honest though, I really enjoyed the whole pregnancy thing. It's kind of amazing to watch your baby grow, feel it kick, hear its heartbeat. But I think there's a lot more options with adoptions now; I'm pretty sure there are arrangements where you can be involved in the baby's life before it's born."

Buck groaned. "There's so much to think about."

"When you boil it down, there really isn't. The only questions you need to answer are: do you want to be a father, and are you ready now or do you need more time? Your answers to those two things will dictate the rest for you."

"I guess you're right."

"What does Abby want?"

"I asked but I didn't get a straight answer. I think the gist of it was that she's afraid to want anything."

"Well, on the plus side, not having an answer means her response won't influence yours. That being said, I think there _is_ an answer hidden in what you just said."

Buck thought so too, and he was pretty sure he knew what that answer was, but he was trying not to think about it too much. As much as he yearned to give her everything she ever wanted, he had to be sure he was 100% on board with something this big or it could tear them apart in the end.

"Did you feel ready when you had your first?"

"I don't think anyone feels completely ready the first time. Even when you think you are, it's still a little scary when it becomes real. But at the same time, it's also pretty exciting. What does your gut tell you?"

"Honestly? I have no idea."

"Well, take as much time and space and you need to think things out. It's a big decision. Deep down, I think you do have a gut feeling about it, you're just not hearing it yet."

With that, Bobby pushed his chair back and headed to the sink to tackle some dishwashing.

"Thanks," Buck called after him. He wasn't sure that conversation had actually helped him get closer to a decision, but he at least felt better for hearing someone else's experience.

* * *

Abby was already home when he got back to the apartment, sitting on the couch and watching the news. He sat down beside her and she smiled, leaning over to kiss him before turning her attention back to the screen. Again, he took the opportunity to just look at her for a minute, and he was almost overwhelmed by the amount of emotions swirling in his chest. His thoughts were instantly in a jumble as he tried to process everything he was feeling, and then suddenly he realized she had been talking to him.

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked what you wanted to do about dinner. We've done takeout a lot lately, I was thinking I should make something."

"Sure, whatever you want."

She looked at him quizzically. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've just been kind of spacey today, I don't know why."

He did know why, but he wasn't going to admit it. He thought back over what he just said, and a word clicked in his head: space. Bobby had mentioned space, and that's exactly what he needed right now. He couldn't think straight with her so close by.

"Actually, I think I'm going to go for a run before dinner."

"I thought you went to the gym this morning. You were gone when I woke up."

"I did. I'm just a little wound up from work still. I'll help you with dinner when I get back."

She looked concerned, but she nodded and headed off to the kitchen to survey the fridge.

He knew where he was going, and he ran hard the whole way there, trying to burn off some nervous energy. He slowed to a walk as he approached the little park and took a seat on the bench next to the little footpath that ran the length of the park. He seriously needed to get his shit together about this parenting thing before he lost his marbles. Absentmindedly, he found himself watching a woman push her young child on the swing in the playground across the way. He could see himself playing with a child like that. It wasn't like he didn't _like_ kids. And in that moment he understood that he definitely wasn't ready to rule out having a family. That was progress, he supposed. Closing his eyes, he thought back to the night of the full moon, when those women were in labour. Initially he was terrified, but when he saw Bobby deliver that baby and he cut the cord, he had to admit, he had been pretty jazzed about it. It was like Bobby had said earlier: scary, but exciting. He imagined seeing and holding his own baby for the first time, and his heart started to beat faster. Bobby had been right that deep down, he did know what he wanted, and he just hadn't been listening. He wanted all of it. But he didn't just want it for himself; he wanted it for him and Abby. When he tried to picture another woman in her place, he felt ambivalent. But when he thought about doing this with _her_ , that's when he would feel the surge of excitement. They could do this. With renewed energy, he hopped up off the bench and started running towards home.

Despite being physically tired, he felt like he was walking on a cloud by the time he walked through the front door. It was like coming to this realization had lifted a huge weight off his shoulders, one he didn't even know he was carrying, and now he felt so empowered that he was almost giddy. He came up behind Abby and spun her around, pinning her against the counter.

"Well hello," she giggled.

"Hi."

She wrinkled her nose. "You need a shower."

"Yeah, but I need to kiss you first."

He silenced her soft laughter with his lips.

"You seem awfully happy. Must have been a really good run."

"Extremely good," he replied, kissing her again before she shoved him towards the bathroom with a laugh and told him to shower quick before dinner was ready.

When he returned, now donning sweatpants and an LAFD t-shirt, there was a salad and spaghetti waiting for him on the table. He took his seat across from Abby and started tossing the salad.

"So I remembered why we've been doing takeout lately," she said.

"Oh yeah? Why?"

"Because there's no food in the house."

He chuckled. "At least we had lettuce."

"I picked that up on my way home yesterday because I needed it to make my lunch for today."

"So what you're saying is date night will be at the grocery store this week."

"Pretty much. I don't think it can wait until our day off."

"That's okay, I'll figure out a way we can have fun at the grocery store."

"I'm sure you will."

He was dying to tell her about his decision, but he didn't want to have a table between them when he told her, so he was waited until after dinner. It took all of his willpower not to blurt it out, but he did manage to keep it under wraps. As soon as they had filled the dishwasher, he took her hand and led her to the couch.

"I take it you want to talk?" she asked with a grin.

"Yeah. I, uh, I've been thinking a lot about what you said last night."

Her smile faltered. "Buck, you don't have to –" He held up his hand and she stopped.

"I know you said I wasn't on a deadline, but I haven't been able to _stop_ thinking about it. You're the most important thing in the world to me, and I hate not knowing where we stand so I needed to work this out as soon as I could. Abby, I do want to have kids, but only if I can do that with you. And if it doesn't work out for us to have one of our own or we decide we want to wait a while, I'm fine with adopting. I mean, if you're fine with it, of course."

She looked shocked, and there were tears in her eyes. When she finally spoke, her voice was barely above a whisper. "Are you sure? It's okay if you want to sleep on it."

"I'm sure. _Very_ sure. I'm actually pretty excited about it."

"Really?" she asked, a smile slowly spreading across her face.

"Really. Now, you know what I want; what do you want?"

"The same thing. All of it. But if we want any chance of having a biological child…"

"It would have to be soon," he finished for her.

"Yeah."

"I'm fine with that."

"You are?"

"I told you, I'm excited. I really do want this. Let's just go for it."

"Buck, it's a big decision."

"If it happened now, would _you_ be okay with it?"

She bit her lip. "Yes."

"Then what's the problem? You want to, I want to, so let's do this!"

"Okay. But you have to promise me you won't get your hopes up too high, okay? I don't know how successful we'll be, and if I need fertility treatment, that's going to be expensive."

"Okay, I'll try to take it down a notch."

"Let's just stop using protection for a while and see if anything happens, and in the mean time we can start putting some money aside in case we need to go to a specialist."

"Deal."

She laughed. "Oh my God, I can't believe we're doing this. We haven't even been together for a full year yet."

"Almost."

"That depends – are you counting from when we met, or when we actually attempted a date?"

"From when we met. I knew you were special from the get go."

"Okay, then it is pretty close," she conceded.

"I just didn't need a whole year to figure out you're a keeper."

He pulled her into his lap, and kissed her slowly, deeply, until she was squirming in his arms. He loosened his hold on her and she shifted to straddle him, moaning into his mouth when she felt his hardness between her legs.

"What do you say," he murmured between kisses, "we take this to the other room... get started on the whole baby thing."

"I would say… what are we waiting for?"

* * *

A/N: I know, I cheated you out of the smut lol. But my other fic I'm working on requires quite a lot of it, so I'm a little tapped out atm :P.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: This fic seems to be falling a little flat; not getting very much feedback in terms of reviews/kudos. I know it's kind of cliché, I don't know if that's why it's maybe not everyone's cup of tea? Or maybe the ship is just officially dying. Anyways, this is officially all I had pre-written lol so no promises on how regular updates will be. Still haven't gotten around to finishing my one shot, but it's close to done.

* * *

Abby splashed some cold water on her face and regarded her reflection in the bathroom mirror. There was still a bit of redness around her eyes and nose, but overall she didn't think it looked _too_ obvious that she had been crying. Buck would be home any minute, and she was determined to be calm and collected when she broke the news. It had been three months since they decided to try for a baby, and when she was three days late, they had thought maybe it was happening already. But an unwelcome arrival during day four today had signalled there was no such luck. She had kept it together for the remainder of her shift, but had allowed herself a cry when she got home. Truth be told, she was actually a little embarrassed that she was taking it so hard. It seemed silly to cry over something she hadn't actually had in the first place. But she _thought_ she had it, and she was bitterly disappointed. This was exactly the kind of discouragement she had feared when she thought about embarking on this journey. She thought she was maintaining a cautious optimism, but it was clear now that she had been much more optimistic than cautious.

Hearing the front door, she took a deep breath and walked out of the room. She was just sitting down on the couch when he came into the living room.

"Hey," he greeted her, coming over to kiss her before heading to the bedroom to drop off his bag. "How was your day?" he asked as he sat beside her.

"I'm not pregnant." She hadn't quite intended to be _that_ blunt about it, but it was the only thing she had planned on saying.

"Oh." She caught a flicker of disappointment on his face, but he recovered quickly and gave her a reassuring look. "Well, it hasn't been that long. And on the bright side… we get to keep trying."

She laughed a little in spite of herself; she certainly couldn't complain about that part.

"How was your day aside from that?"

"Pretty unremarkable, you?"

"Oh, do I ever have a story for you. But I'm starving, want to order something first?"

"Sure."

She managed to keep her mind occupied on other things for most of the night, but near the end of the movie they decided to watch before bed, her thoughts started to drift back to how hopeful she had felt and how hard the fall had been. Her mood was darkening along with the evening sky and she was struggling to push it aside. As they climbed into bed, she bit her lip and focused on keeping her breathing even until she thought Buck had fallen asleep. And then she let go, tears streaming down her cheeks. Evidently Buck _hadn't_ been asleep, because he noticed almost immediately.

"Come here," he murmured.

She rolled over and buried her face in his chest, sobbing softly.

He rubbed her back gently. "Don't worry, we've still got time."

She couldn't get any words out, so she just nodded.

"I'm bummed too, but it's going to happen for us. I really believe that. So don't panic yet, okay?"

"Okay," she mumbled.

"Want to dip into your chocolate stash?"

She looked up at him, shocked. "You know about my chocolate stash?"

"Of course I do. What did you think happened to the other half of your Kit Kat last week?"

"I knew I didn't eat that!"

"I haven't touched your peanut butter cups though."

Somehow he always managed to make her laugh through her tears. "I'll let you have one if you go get them."

"You got it."

* * *

"Abby, you seriously need to relax and stop stressing about it."

"How are you _not_ stressing about it?"

"Because there's no point: the outcome has already been determined, we just don't know what it is yet."

"Yeah, and the not knowing is stressing me out."

Another two months had passed, and she was late again. Four days so far. And she was dreading going through the harsh disappointment all over again if it turned out she wasn't pregnant. On top of that, with every month that passed, there was a nagging fear that maybe she had already missed her window of opportunity.

"Think of it this way: if you _are_ pregnant, stress isn't good for the baby. So you need to let it go."

She sighed; he had her there. "How much longer do you think we should wait?"

"Well, we get off at the same time tomorrow, so how about you text me when you're leaving work, and if there's still no sign of anything, I'll stop at the store on my way home. It's closer for me."

"Okay. But make sure you get more than one test, just to be sure."

"Got it." He was smiling brightly, but she didn't feel nearly so sunny. He ran his hand up and down her arm. "Hey, we're letting go of stress, remember?"

"I know, it's just… I'm scared."

"That you're not pregnant?"

"No. Well, kind of. That's part of it I guess."

"What's the other part?"

She took a deep breath, fighting to keep tears at bay. "What if it's already too late? Maybe my schedule has been off because I'm starting menopause early."

"Or maybe you're pregnant. Or maybe it's your stress about _getting_ pregnant."

"But what if it's not?" She bit her lip to stop it from trembling.

"Well, we'll get our answer tomorrow. And if it didn't happen this time, then we won't wait any longer to go see the specialist, okay? We'll figure out managing treatment costs if/when we get there."

"Okay."

"I don't want you to worry. Whatever happens, happens. And we'll get through it. I'm not going to give up on us being a family unless you want me to."

"Promise?" She hated how insecure this whole thing made her feel, but she couldn't help it. There was a cynical little voice in the back of her mind that kept saying she could lose him if she couldn't do this, and that was her biggest fear of all. It would be a big enough blow to give up the dream of having a child _again_ ; to lose him on top of that would be devastating.

"I promise."

* * *

[Text from Buck]: _Well?_

[Text from Abby]: _Nothing yet_

[Text from Buck]: _K I'll stop at the store_

[Text from Abby]: _See u at home_

Abby expected to arrive home first, but was starting to get concerned when 20 minutes had passed and Buck still hadn't arrived. She had just picked up her phone to text him again when he came barreling through the front door with a bag in hand.

"Sorry I'm late!"

"I was getting worried, what took so long?"

"There uh… there were a lot more options than I expected."

"And?" she raised an eyebrow skeptically.

He grinned sheepishly. "And it might have taken me a while to work up the nerve to ask the pharmacist which ones to get."

She smiled in spite of the anxiety twisting her stomach in knots. God, he was cute when he was embarrassed.

"You ready?"

Nodding with far more confidence than she actually felt, she took the bag from him and headed off to the bathroom. It wasn't until she had closed the door and was opening the tests that she realized her hands were shaking. She paused to take a few deep breaths, trying to calm her nerves. _Get a grip_ , she chastised herself, _this is probably the easiest part of being a parent!_ Her cynical side was tempted to add 'or NOT be a parent…' to the end of that thought, but she refused to let her mind go there. This test was not the be-all end-all. Like Buck said yesterday: the outcome has already been determined, and all this will do is reveal it. Nothing she did in this moment could change that.

When she emerged, he was eagerly waiting for her just outside the door.

"Well? What did it say?"

"It's not instant, Buck. You have to leave it for a couple minutes."

"But you were in there for like 10 minutes."

She smirked. "And maybe it took me a little while to work up the nerve to actually do it."

"Fair enough," he chuckled.

"I set the timer on my phone, it'll go off when it's time to check them."

"Okay."

"I can't believe you're so relaxed about this. I'm so nervous I feel like I'm going to puke, and you're just… like… waiting for a pizza to arrive or something."

"Oh I'm freaking out," he admitted, "but I know _you're_ freaking out, and at least one of us needs to be calm, so I'm pretending it's not a big deal."

"I have to say, you're very convincing."

"It's practice for when our kid is screaming in the grocery store."

She burst out laughing.

"What? It's gonna happen! Every kid has a meltdown in the grocery store."

"Yes, yes they do."

"I'm just getting ready."

It would be a lie if she said that comment didn't make her heart melt a little. Truth be told, she was secretly impressed and a little surprised that he was already thinking that far ahead. She supposed she shouldn't be though. That was just Buck: when he knows what he wants, he jumps in with both feet. And normally she found his zeal rather contagious, but not this time. She was still filled with trepidation; afraid she was hoping for too much. And the sounding of her phone brought a sober silence to the mirth of mere moments ago.

She reached for his hand. "I'm scared," she whispered.

"I know. You want to do it together?"

She nodded. "You read the right one, I'll read the left one?"

"Deal."

They entered the bathroom and each picked up their respective test. She looked down at hers and tried to keep a neutral expression when she looked back up.

"What does yours say?" she asked softly.

"Positive," he grinned, "what does yours say?"

"Positive." She barely got the word out before the tears started flowing.

His arms were around her in seconds, lifting her off her feet and spinning her around while she giggled in sheer delight. He set her down gently and when he looked at her, she saw the wonder in his eyes.

"We're having a baby," he said quietly.

"We're having a baby."

He let out a whoop of joy. "I'm going to be a dad!"

"You're going to be the _best_ dad," she murmured, pulling him in for a kiss.

He winked at her. "And you're going to be one hot mama."

She slapped his chest playfully.

"Where's my phone? I can't wait to tell everyone!"

"Whoa, slow down cowboy, who's everyone?"

"I don't know, everyone!"

"I don't know if we should tell too many people right away. Maybe just close family and friends. Definitely no facebook announcements or anything like that."

"Why not?"

"A lot can still happen. The rate of miscarriage is highest in the first trimester, and I'm already high risk. I think we should play it safe, just in case. If something were to happen, I don't know that I'd want _everyone_ to know about it."

"Oh. Shit. I didn't know that. So we're not in the clear yet then?"

"Not yet. But that doesn't mean we can't be happy. We just keep it quiet for a little bit."

In all honesty, part of her was terrified that it was all too good to be true, that something _would_ go wrong, so while she didn't want to dampen his enthusiasm, she felt the need to prepare him. If the worst happened, she didn't want him to be blindsided.

"So, how small of a circle are we talking about?"

"I'm going to tell my supervisor and you should definitely tell Bobby, just in case there was an emergency or something it would be easier if they both know. And you can tell Hen and Chimney too, I know you guys are like family. Just like I'm going to tell Matt. But I think we should stop there for now."

He looked relieved. "Oh, okay. That's not too bad."

"I want you to be excited about it, we just have to be careful not to get ahead of ourselves."

"I get it. I'll consider it practicing my patience."

"I better start practicing some stuff or you'll be miles ahead of me," she teased.

"You practice patience with me all the time."

"Hmm, that _is_ true."

"So… I'm definitely down with being careful and everything, but just for tonight, do you think we can celebrate?"

She smiled and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him. "Yeah, I think that would be okay."


End file.
